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December 5th, 2009
sadsuzi
 | 02:04 pm
I suppose this is the best place to do this... And truly it doesnt make much difference who does or doesnt see it, just to get that out on the table now.
I can smell everything that has been laid out to me, the steaks of earnest yet easy work as I slipped strangely into a second job well see how all of this will go
im pushing myself way too hard too fast but i cannot seem to let it go, cannot say no and am refusing to myself... not being well
my health is sorely slipping and it sucks that i can actually feel that... i mean shit dude... fuck... i wish so hard that it werent but... yea, my own damned fault i guess, but its just outta my fucking hands now...
not to be mean evil or vain but if i had one christmas wish this year it would be for a clean bill of health...
everything that has transpired and continues to... is really tearing my guts out. the medicine alone is really fucking up my life on a much more massive scale than i thought it would at all...
and damn it people no i wont fucking date you, i have someone in mind for um,... idk if he were willing i am hoping but to everyone else fuck right off im tired of being asked out on dates n shit. seriously... no offense but shit ... is there a sign on my forehead spelling out stupid wherein i cant somehow mak eyour own fucking sense of it bitches i dont have to *S*
At any rate im sick as piss and my tactics of usual denial arent going to pull it through this time, im actually just way too sick to forget and forgive it, no ammount of pushing is going to ake this shit go away this time... i mean... god i dont even want to venture into the horrid details of whats going on it just fucking sucks so hard right now... but other than all that im happy to say im working two jobs and dealing with the shit that flies my way best as i can... hoping sooner than i had thought origanally to have my own place so im excited and nervous and scared and excited and..
and also fuck every last one of you that would ever think ill of me you can get right the fuck out on the horse cock you rode in on...blow my balls and shit a dick i wont and dont care whatever you think of me...no anymore. so yay.
im excited and sick, and really tired and excited and yea.
balls.
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rx_junkie0o
 | 11:44 am - I am not a failure just a setback
This weekend we are moving out of our house and into my mother in laws. We have been having financial issues for a while. It has put a major strain on our marriage and our sanity. It's for the best. It was not easy to come to this decision but we finally got to a place where we couldn't do it anymore. It's easy to see this as a failure or a failed experiment but I see it as just a setback. We will pay off our bills, go back to school, get our shit together, and get back on our feet again. I'm trying to be positive about this move since it's kinda hard to be positive about much these days. Since I can't seem to get a job I am going to go back to college. I think that is for the best. I have to think of what is best for Nicholai. Speaking of my baby he is going to be 1 in a few weeks. I can't believe it has been a year since he was born. It went by so fast. He's standing and trying to walk now. He says mama and dada. I couldn't be more proud.
My final thought is that yes we have to move in with family but our little family will be much better for this.
Current Location: home
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Kipper the dog
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December 4th, 2009
samu3lk
 | 08:53 pm - TXT Messages Between My Mother and Myself
The following is a direct transcription of a conversation my mother and I had via TXT message, regarding visiting our family down south for Christmas.
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MOM: "I booked a room at Super 8. Fitty-Tree bucks plus tax."
ME: "Is it a Jacuzzi room?
MOM: "Naw, that was 145 dollars plus tax."
ME: "Bullshit. Tell you what: Roy and I will burn the place down into a smoldering pile of ashes for 10 dollars. After you leave, of course. That'll show 'em."
MOM: "You're on."
ME: "I knew you'd see things our way. The $10 is just for the gas it would take to ignite the place. Roy and I don't do this for money. We just love FIRE.
MOM: "Absolutely!"
ME: "Fire burning like the flames of Hell, reflected in the eyes of your Boys. Ten dollars is too little a price to pay."
Current Location: SPACE
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/blackbox/working.gif) Looking out for Mom
Current Music: The dying cries of people burning to death in a hotel fire
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cky2chris
 | 09:15 am
I dont know if you'll ever read this but regardless of what happens from here on out know this: I love you. I always say i dont throw that word around liberally but maybe i do...or maybe i just fall in love too easily...but regardless...after more than a year, im sure i love you, now more than ever. When we first started dating we always used to joke about how i couldnt figure quite figure you out and i guess i still cant exactly. You're like no one ive ever met before and i can say that with 100% honesty. You make me happy. You make me feel wonderful in ways ive never imagined. You scare me. Not in a bad way. You motivate me better than anyone has before.
I know ive been a bad person lately, and im sorry. I want to do better. I hope like hell i havent screwed this up, i hope i can salvage this. You tell me you think we can if i just work harder...and by god i will. Trust has never come easily to me, anyone who knows me knows that and probably knows all the reasons why. I dont know if this gesture will mean as much as i mean for it to to you, but im going to muster all the faith i have and put it in you, im praying you dont do what has been done to me countless times before. I think im always going to have these demons that whisper to me that everyone is lying to me and im just going to have to fight them with everything i have. As one of my heroes said in a song "you dont face your demons down, you gotta grapple em jack, and pin em to the ground" and thats just what im going to have to do.
Ive reached a point where i know what needs to be done. I need to break through procrastination and laziness and do what im supposed to. This coming year is going to be different and im going to have to do alot of fighting and being strong. I just pray you'll be by my side to help me.
I simply cant lose you.
I've seen how you are with exes...and i dont want to be excommunicated out of your life.
This has been one of the worst weeks in a long time.
Im so worried its going to get worse.
Please god just let me be wrong.
Current Music: Godspeed you! Black emporer - antennas to heaven
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cky2chris
| 06:38 am
I feel like im bracing for impact.
I wanna be wrong.
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cky2chris
| 02:35 am
I think its about time to grow up
=\
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December 2nd, 2009
cky2chris
| 06:07 pm
right now i just want a meteor to crash into me
im tired of fucking everything up
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December 1st, 2009
poppy_kitty
 | 01:45 pm - Writer's Block: Smoke screen
let the smokers smoke in bars and places where smoking has traditionally been accepted. And if all the non-smokers feel they HAVE to herd up the smokers into tiny, concentration camps called "smoker's areas", at least make it an enclosed, heated/ac area. as a former smoker, I used to freeze my ass off during winter.
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demonbite
 | 11:47 am
Really enjoyed the piercing potluck party. The sushi turned out pretty good. Not the prettiest, but it was delicious.
Saw my first suspension. It was pretty cool.
I was sick yesterday. Finally started feeling better around 8:30 p.m. or so, after I threw up. Awesome, right? Wondering if I can eat anything today as I'm feeling a bit queasy.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/twotone/hamsters/sick_hammy.gif) nauseated
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cky2chris
| 02:19 am
nothing feels better than taking straight shots of gin with no chaser
i feel like a fucking man
♠
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November 30th, 2009
cky2chris
| 04:03 am
I have so much i'd like to say anymore but honestly its getting to be too much effort to find the words.
Im not like i want to be, im not even close.
this is all so fucking pointless
feeling like im at the end of my fucking rope right about now
I wish i could just wake up tommorow as a completely different person
I was never okay.
I just got good at putting on a mask.
Im never asking for help from anyone again.
All of this is so goddamn temporary
Nothing is ever built to last
who cares
Im tired of fearing that this world is going to end.
I dont even know what to honestly say anymore
i think im about done with this LJ
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November 29th, 2009
cky2chris
| 09:07 pm
PS if anyone wants to be a half decent human being bring me liqour
right the fuck now
beer is probably the worst drink ever
at least this shit i have
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cky2chris
| 08:51 pm
Its amazing how people can just completely not understand they're hurting you
this feels like a repeat of dalena waiting to happen
im sick of it all
id planned to post something in here but i dont even give a fuck about LJ anymore because i know no one gives two shits what i post in here anyway
hey its just like real life right?
hey, when i took that whole bottle of klonapin over a weekend, i wish it had killed me.
fuck it and fuck everybody, im tired of this BULLSHIT
Current Music: who give a flying fuck
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November 27th, 2009
samu3lk
| 06:15 pm - Should I Call Child Protective Services???
My boss's kids were in the office today because they were off from school. They're like 7 years old (twins) and I get along with them pretty well. My boss's son was wearing an Iron Man shirt, so I decided to strike up a conversation with him.
"Iron Man, huh?" I said "Is he your favorite superhero?"
"I don't know," he said.
"Well who is your favorite superhero?"
"Umm... Beetlejuice?"
"Beetlejuice isn't a superhero, kid! He's a ghost!"
"Well ask me who my favorite ghost is."
"Who's your favorite ghost?"
"Beetlejuice."
"Yes, he's the Ghost with the Most. But really, who's your favorite superhero?"
"I don't know."
"Is it Spider-Man? The Hulk? Iron Man? Batman?"
"I never saw Batman."
This struck me as odd. Sure, the kid probably shouldn't see the Christopher Nolan Batman movies, but at least he should have seen the Tim Burton ones!
"You haven't seen Batman? With the Joker?"
"No."
"Well it's really good. It was one of my favorite movies when I was your age."
Then the boy dropped an atom bomb:
"I think my favorite superhero is Harry Potter."
Poor kid doesn't even realize what a superhero even is...
I weep for today's youth.
Current Location: SPACE
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/blackbox/sad.gif) Poor Kid...
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November 26th, 2009
demonbite
| 11:03 pm - Thanksgiving
People:
John, Elsa, Venus, Ian
Food:
23.99 lb turkey, green bean casserole, stuffing, mashed potatoes, biscuits
Home made desserts - banana creme pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate silk pie
Tomorrow I'm going to make vegetarian sushi for a potluck piercing party. May also make the second green bean casserole that we prepared but haven't cooked. Apparently a lot of the people who are going to be in attendance are vegetarian or vegan. I hope the sushi turns out all right. Maybe I'll go pick up some vinegar while I'm out during the day so that I can make the sushi rice properly.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/twotone/hamsters/backflip_hammy.gif) excited
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darkmerrick
 | 09:29 pm - hit me baby one more time.
so uh, i just buried my dog. my puppy. Winchester. my mom let him loose and because he was a silly thing with too much energy, he ran away and some dick in a white truck didn't see him.
we only had him three months.
i wanted to burn him like only a Winchester should be buried, but my parents said it'd be too hard.
i don't...
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